...Can't Talk.. Sorry..

i think i need to get a new voice box.. woke up today with no voice felt anywhere. Throat infection, how can that be? I tot everything was going alright between me and my throat. Had two days of medical leave, apparently, the doctor told me to take a break for a while, to get back my voice and take things slow.

Stress and depression are getting onto me at times.. I think that is kinda horrid. A violent combo of those will send me into another hysterical roller coaster into the unknown abyss. My projects are due next week, and I am taking my fucking sweet time to get them done. I think this is the ultimate procrastination for me, to really push things to the edge by ignoring all the datelines and waiting for some miracles to happen. I hate my life, I really hate my life at this moment. Something got to be done, it is a grp project isn't it? So where the fuck are my members anyway? hmmm..

Got my hair washed at the hairdresser today, it was shiok, so shiok, I think I might want to work as an assistant there. Then, at least can get my hair washed daily. Ok, so, it is an overstatement. It is like wanting to work at a candy shop so that you can have all the sweets. Logical?

regurgitated at - 2005-02-24 @ 11:22 p.m.

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...Painful Song

Fantasia - Truth Is

Ah Oh Ah Oh

[Verse 1]
Ran into an old friend yesterday
Caught me by surprise when he called my name
He was a familiar face, from a chapter in my past
Talked for a while, I smiled and then
Said that he was seeing somebody and
Told me this was gonna last
Showing me her photograph

[Hook]
And all the feelings I thought were gone
Came rushing back to me at once
Tried to smile and hide the way I felt
But I was thinking to myself

[Chorus]
(Truth is) I never got over you
(Truth is) Wish I was standing in her shoes
(Truth is) And when it's all said and done
Guess I’m still in love with you
(Truth is) I never should have let you go
(Truth is) And it's killing me cuz now I know
(Truth is) And when it's all said and done
Guess I’m still in love with you

[Verse 2]
We reminisce on the way things used to be
Shed a couple laughs, shed some memories
Talked about the things that changed
Some for good and some for bad
Then he said good-bye and he paid for lunch
Promised that we'd always keep in touch
Grabbed my bags and grabbed my thoughts, walked away and that was that

[Repeat Hook]

[Repeat Chorus]

[Bridge]
Now the truth is it hurts but I know that the fault is mine
‘Cuz I let him go
Tried to get over it but it's messed up
he's not mine (Because I know)

[Repeat Chorus X 2]

I just gotta be honest,
I guess, I-I guess,
I’m still in love, in love, in love

regurgitated at - 2005-02-24 @ 7:28 p.m.

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...Beautiful Song..

Only One Lyrics
Artist(Band):Yellowcard

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

(Chorus)
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

(Chorus)
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only my only one

(Interlude)

Here I go...so dishonestly leave a note for you my only one
And I know...you can see right through me
So let me go...and you will find some one

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one...no one like you
You are my only my only one
My only one(x3)
You are my only my only one!

regurgitated at - 2005-02-24 @ 7:19 p.m.

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...-

I need a hero, someone who is strong and won't let me down at the end of the fight. I need a hero, someone who will rescue me from my demons and let me walk away like champions. I need a hero, someone who never exists but let continue to believe there is one so that I can feel happy in the end. It is my happiness that matters at the end.

So now, I sit alone in front of the comp, wondering where my friends are. Am I even there, can you even see me smiling at the first place? That's right, I was not even smiling at the first place, just a bitter imagination of how it feels to smile for you. But, I won't smile, I refused to smile because it makes no sense why I should at the first place.

I have a year more to go, and I will enter to be a working adult in the years to come. Then I will grow old and nothing will change from then on. Just repeating myself over and over again.

regurgitated at - 2005-02-22 @ 1:02 p.m.

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...Anyone there?

I need a hero, someone who is strong and won't let me down at the end of the fight. I need a hero, someone who will rescue me from my demons and let me walk away like champions. I need a hero, someone who never exists but let continue to believe there is one so that I can feel happy in the end. It is my happiness that matters at the end.

So now, I sit alone in front of the comp, wondering where my friends are. Am I even there, can you even see me smiling at the first place? That's right, I was not even smiling at the first place, just a bitter imagination of how it feels to smile for you. But, I won't smile, I refused to smile because it makes no sense why I should at the first place.

I have a year more to go, and I will enter to be a working adult in the years to come. Then I will grow old and nothing will change from then on. Just repeating myself over and over again.

regurgitated at - 2005-02-22 @ 1:02 p.m.

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...Vacation Anyone?

So we watched everything where we stood, we gazed upon the forelorn moon and wondered whether the moon is there as eternal as we wished we could be. In that silence, our love echoed in the distance. Maybe, we are meant to be like this, in each lifetimes we spent, over and over again, to watch upon the forelorn moon in this very same way.

Completed my CA2 WFM, am typing this up since I am enjoying the habit of writing for a no audience theme. Why did I delete the entire list of blog links? Simple, to cut off any means of having to read other people's blog and writhe in pain as I Watched others happiness. bitterness dances at the edge of my fingertips, as I wonder what kind of friends do I actually have. I felt the urge to compile a list of friends that I tot are there for me and appreciates me for who I am. The problem is, I dunno whom to start with, the list is getting shorter as the day passes. Only a few remains to understand and observe the changes in me, to accept these changes and not used them against me. Pain, all I can feel is that hollowness as my list decreases. I dunno, is it really worth it to hang on to any last strands of friendship that I can tug and drag with me? Sanni said was right, sometimes, you got to cut loose some people and ignore some friends so that at least we dun get worry being alone. How true..

My parents want to take me to Langkawi. Reason: I have never been to Langkawi, so, they got to take me there. Hmmm, when was the last time I went on a trip with them? it's been a long time, I dun think 'balik kampung' offers the same tenacity as I enjoyed the one over at Thailand during my secondary school days. It was fun, really, in a certain way of defined fun. I need to get used to this idea of travelling only with my parents, be the aunt of the family and be the last unmarried daughter. Great, even the idea seems so daunting at times.

regurgitated at - 2005-02-22 @ 9:35 a.m.

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...I am Seha.

I felt like crying, there is this constriction around your heart, that gripes you and suffocates you and demands that you cry the tears of yesterday's pain. I became the otherside of me, the one that lets itself to be sucked into the negative enigma and watched others happiness in ruthless jealousy. I pity myself, pity the way that my love relationships never worked out and once again, I am being thrown out into the open world to seek for another love to occupy the space that the previous left vacant.

I am a student. I am a Muslim. I am a daughter. I am a sister. Is that why I am denied of the chance to love or be loved? Do I need to validate my right to love another human being, to love another man with such ardour because I am being a supposedly religious girl among my friends that I am not allowed to love another man nor display any affections that I have towards him.

I am a woman. I am a human. Many failed to see that, as a woman, I am born with the instincts to fall in love, to watch love blossoms with glazed eyes and to let it walk away between teary eyes. I should not have subjected myself to such pain, such trouble and such suffering. And yet, once in a while, I succumb to the need to be loved and watch every other couples I met along the streets, watchin them with disgust and loathe, that I, can never find the man that will love me the same away I pay my oath to the man I desire/love/want.

For this space has watched how I bloomed into a young lady of confidence, faltered in the eyes of youthful love and grieved over the pains of a modern, turbulent, young lady like I am. For now, it has become me, and I will hold no bars for it to hide me anymore.

regurgitated at - 2005-02-22 @ 12:19 a.m.

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